Most of the times, I come across parenting articles about successful parenting and flop parenting. Successful parenting: when kids turn out better versions of parents, and Flop parenting: when kids demean their parents in terms of traits they own. This is amazing how kids take centre stage in our world and we become obsessed with being best at parenting. Allow me to narrate two incidences from our famous mythological parents.
First is example of Kaikeyi, mother of Bharat.
Kaikeyi: A queen with beauty, courage, skills needed in battlefield including repairing a broken wheel, charioteer and pretty good at planning strategies. Surely, role model for many of the ladies. How high she must had always felt and thought of herself! And she definitely would have wanted her son to embrace all the traits and ideas of hers. She was queen but not chief queen and so she wished a better version of herself in her son, a king and not just a prince. Looking at her personality, would anyone of us suggest that she didn’t try her best to be a successful parent? Just put yourself in her shoes and tell if there is anything wrong in her aspirations? But see Bharat, he proved her to be a ‘FLOP Parent’ and grew as per his consciousness. So, is the flop parenting all that bad?
Second is example of Dhritarashtra, father of Duryodhana.
Dhritarashtra: A blind, mighty and ambitious king with all the knowledge and skills to rule a kingdom. Remember, he once crushed the iron statue of Bheema into powder, he was mighty indeed. He could not rule the kingdom because of his blindness and so he hoped to raise a better version of himself, a ruler. He took care that he stepped into parenthood before his king brother and that his son got right education and skills to become a king. He passed on, to his son, all the driving force to fight for kingdom. If any one of us is put to be in his place, would you say that he was wrong? Now see Duryodhana, he gave his father a blissful feeling of being a ‘successful parent’ and grew as better version of his father. So, is the successful parenting all that good?
I believe, it is all about the perspective and we should not consume ourselves to become successful parents. Parenthood is not about becoming in-charge of another life, your kid. But it is about safeguarding lives of our kid and believing that he/she will become whatever he/she wishes to become. Mostly, kids choose very wisely, it is very rare that they become carbon copy of their parents and becoming different is pretty wise decision. If I am given a chance, another life, I myself would not like to become what I am presently. At the same time we all portray ourselves as good role model for our kids. And looking at our credentials, and unexpected, uncertain future, is it possible in any way that we have capabilities to produce better versions of ourselves? If we could then we would have become that better version, believe me.
Parents please don’t exhaust yourselves with elusive expectations of you being in ‘making of someone’. Please try to understand and believe in individuality and consciousness of a fresh life, our kids. They are the brilliant butterflies who are flitting around the garden and exploring, and we’re the caterpillars who are inching along our narrow, grownup, adult path. Let us not overburden ourselves as completely responsible for our kids’ choices and decisions. Be yourself, let them themselves and enjoy life. Everything around is great and is in symphony. And if you believe in destiny then let the kids seek and follow their destiny.
See you again. 🙂