Once I had this secret wish

Exchanging Secrets

I believe that by sharing secrets we forge intimacy in a relationship. So, there I was talking to Swarna, my best friend, about my secret wish of becoming world renowned personality. Though I had never thought about the reasons -why I would be famous… 🙂 I thought I will do something or may be something will happen automatically. 🙂 But I really enjoy my secret wish and I was so happy to share it with my dear friend Swarna. I asked Swarna if she had any secret wish too. She said, “I don’t have any secret wish presently. But in past I had two secret wishes.” I wanted to know so she told me that her first secret wish was to change her name and her second secret wish was to change her gender. I was surprised, I liked her name and she was a pretty girl, why she wanted to be a male? I saw her lost and smiling in her own world. I insisted and she laughed and then after a while she started telling the details.

I wish I had a different name

It was way back some 15 years or so, when Swarna met Uphaar. They both were in same class. Swarna and Utsavi were good friends. Uphaar, Rahul and Ujjwal were friends, Swarna supposed, because they always sat together in the class. Those were initial days when these two friend groups were not in talking terms. Utsavi being outgoing and cheerful, was good at making friends. One day she introduced Swarna to her new friends Uphaar, Rahul and Ujjwal. Swarna being introvert takes time to be friends with anyone. Since, Rahul was introverted and studious kind, Swarna found more comfort in his company. So, mostly Swarna and Rahul would be seen studying while the others Uphaar,Ujjwal and Utsavi would be seen laughing and joking and having good times. Swarna noticed that among them Uphaar was very humorous, good looking, lean, intellectual and most talkative. She would exchange the greatest sight of beauty in the world for the sight of his laughing face. But irony, he was not her friend. She wanted to be friend with Uphaar but did not know how to proceed? Uphaar always thought of Swarna as studious, serious and girl of higher spirits so he also maintained a safe distance from her. He was happy in his gang. Once Utsavi told Swarna that Uphaar had a best friend named Utkarsh. At that very moment it clicked to Swarna that may be Uphaar is destined to be friends with the people who have names with alphabet ‘U’. 🙂 She had proof for this as Uphaar was good friend of Ujjwal, Utsavi and Utkarsh. She regretted that her name was Swarna and so she desperately wanted to change it to Uliana. 🙂

I wish I was a boy

Later, Swarna (without changing her name 🙂 ) and Uphaar became friends. They used to study and laugh together. They were from Indian culture where boys and girls can be friends but touching was not allowed. She had seen Uphaar with boys gang when Uphaar would place his hand or his arms around his friend’s shoulder and talk and laugh. This view would make her more intensely aware of his presence around her. She wanted to feel this for real and interestingly she did not realize that she was falling for him. She was happy with her “friend status” and noticed that friends of opposite gender had more of Uphaar than her. She was jealous and helpless. There she had her second secret wish to become a boy to get closer to Uphaar, to rest her head on his shoulders, to hold his hand and wander on the streets till late night. 🙂

Life without secret wishes being fulfilled

Swarna is happy that her wishes were not granted. Being a girl turned out in her favour as she got married to Uphaar. And she is the closest person and best friend of Uphaar now. She likes her name and laughs on thought of changing it. After hearing her secret wishes I hugged her for her cuteness and we laughed together. I asked if she had told this to Uphaar. She said with embarrassment and smile “No” 🙂 Those were my secret wishes till now. Both of us felt great intimacy 😀

See you again


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