Zero…A journey of a point started from a spot and getting back to the same spot and for everyone to witness that the point has transformed into a circle, a ‘Zero’, the very Indian invention and gift to the world.
I was born in a Hindu family and was brought up in Hindu way of living. Early morning, do Namskar to God Sun..then after taking bath do morning prayers, go on with the routine and perform evening pooja and sing arti songs. I grew up practicing this since my childhood without questioning it or even understanding it. In the morning it was hustle and bustle but in the evening it was fun..really fun time, as I love singing. 🙂
In teenage my intelligence took new heights…I started questioning everything, got answers for few. But I had to continue doing these Hindu rituals at home because I had no intention to hurt my parents by showing my disbelief in the deity. I was so confused..Why we have so many Gods and Goddesses? Why sometimes Gods are portrayed so mean and as cheaters? Why we worship such Gods? Are they really Gods? Why only one God is not enough for Hindu? I wanted the answers but could not find anyone to answer these questions. Time passed…I became sceptic.
For post graduation, I went to a remote place and stayed in hostel. Now, I became a full fledged ‘Nastik’. Stopped my morning prayers and no upvaas… but yes, still continued to go to a nearby Shiva ji temple in the evening. I don’t exactly know why I continued this….but I guess few reasons were…It was closer to a cyber cafe….It was Shiva ji temple, my heart, my love was there….It helped me to feel closer to my home environment.
Then, I got married to my love. And I thank him and my parents and my in laws for not pressurizing me to live in a Hindu way. I was living in a quite rebellion way. But still, all these times my intelligence was working to get the answers. I was working hard for the answers because somewhere I always felt that by abandoning all those childhood practices I am being disrespectful to my parents. I also had the feeling that something is missing..undiscovered. But, I didn’t want to perform all those rituals again without understanding the essence, as this would mean disrespecting my intellect.
Now, I became a mother and never told my kid about any deity stories or any rituals. She saw it at other places, but it was just one of the things that doesn’t happen in her home (This is how I think it is). She started going to school…now she has questions about Gods…Her teacher is telling about Gods and their home ‘up there’ and their amazing powers. I didn’t feel it correct to discard that right away anytime, but I always tried to make her think logically and analyse if something like that is possible.
After devoting much time on my research I have my philosophy about Gods and Goddesses. I have a perspective of their character portrayal and existence. I am happy to have make peace with this Hindu way of living and understanding it in a deeper way. I am going back from where I started… my morning prayers and have plans for mandir sthapana in my home on this Diwali. I know my kid will have her own experiments with this way. She also deserves this awesome journey and my philosophies as her initial instruments to experiment with.
So, I am here again…from where I started my journey with my parents in a pleasant and thankful way of living.
Happy living and keep on discovering and rediscovering few basics. 🙂
See you again.